you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
