I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
