I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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