anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
