Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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