And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
