So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
