we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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