My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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