my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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