i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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