Pants 0. Shit 1.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
