Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
