I skipped work to stalk him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize