I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
