Who did Billy Mays play for?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
