Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize