Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
