hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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