I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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