ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
