You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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