so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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