3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
