You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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