member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
