I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
