I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
