You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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