I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize