I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
