That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
