I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize