I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
