just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
