By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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