Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
