Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize