it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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