I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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