Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize