you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize