hotel room ftw
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
why is half of my head shaved?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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