Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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