i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
