I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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