UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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