we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
