i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
