I'm so fucking centered right now
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
