apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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