My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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