guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
as a side note pls kill me
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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