...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
