At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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