what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will be naked everywhere
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize