According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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