is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
