help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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