He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
