so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
