Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
