Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
