Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
