Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize