well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
