if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
