In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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