I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
