He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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