Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize