I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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