How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
