why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm at about main and main street
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
