pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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