He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
