When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
