I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
