hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
