we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
