I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you didnt know i had herpes?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
