If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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