He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
