You just made me feel so damn special
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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