i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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