turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
So squirting runs in the family.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm too high and old for this...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
