The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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