Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
