I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize
