I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
