i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
