Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
