also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
