We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
