My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
