i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
